Belting Edward
by Belts
Summary: Bella lets Edward style her hair. -- Now Rated M For Adult Themes, Violence And Course Language --
1. TELL ME!

**Belting Edward**

"Look into the future – will Edward like my dress?"

I looked at myself in the mirror and scowled. I couldn't see why Edward, wonderful, beautiful Edward, would ever want to marry someone like me. Alice refused to answer my question. I took that as a bad sign.

"I shouldn't have gone with the Anne of Green Gables look, the puff sleeves only make me look worse," I sighed to Alice in self-pity. "Please won't you just take a tiny glance to see Edward's reaction?"

"Fine." Alice closed her eyes in concentration. She let out a sharp gasp and grimaced as something she saw in the future obviously disgusted her.

"What? What is it?" I asked worriedly.

Alice opened her eyes and looked at me with raised eyebrows. "You really want to know?"

I was honestly curious. "Yeah, just tell me."

Alice took a deep breath. "I don't really know how to tell you this," she said. "I mean, I want to, I think you ought to know, it's your right … but it's just so difficult to say!"

"TELL ME!" I bellowed. My face was red with fury and I ripped off my puff sleeve in anger.

"Edward loves you, just the way you are ..." Alice said, twisting her hands and avoiding my eyes. I gave Alice a big hug. It was such a relief to know that Edward loved me anyway.

"But…"

I gasped in horror. "What, but _what_?" I asked.

Alice grimaced. "I saw something involving … belts,"

I looked at her curiously. "What does that mean?" I asked. Alice had just opened her mouth to tell me when I heard the bridal march beginning to play next door. People were waiting for me and I was being pulled backwards … Charlie was tugging me towards the door, but I was struggling from his grasp, reaching out and calling out to Alice …

"Belts? What does that _mean_?"

In the split second those doors opened, only one thought was running through my mind.

I was going to marry Edward, and if he decided didn't want me anymore …

I was going to kill him.


	2. Bite Me

**Chapter Two**

As I walked down the aisle, I felt as though I wasn't there at all – like I was floating above myself. Charlie was escorting me, and there were tears in his eyes, though I couldn't tell if they were tears of happiness or anger. Upon reflection, I decided anger.

And there, at the end of the aisle, stood Edward, beautiful as ever. The dark purple bruises under his eyes were especially pronounced, and his skin was paler than my now torn white dress. The sun was shining faintly beneath a thin layer of clouds, causing his skin to emanate a faint glow. As I saw him standing there, so breathtakingly magnificent in the pale sunlight, I realized how truly hideous I was. I hated myself in that moment.

It made me even more determined. I was going to get what I wanted! I gripped the bouquet so tightly that my knuckles turned white-er and then …

I tripped over.

My face turned puce with embarrassment and anger. Charlie was cringing so badly, he looked like he wanted to run away. I stood up and heard a sickening rip as the other puff sleeve ripped off. As I struggled to my feet I looked into Edward's eyes, they were as lovely as ever, but unreadable. Throughout the ceremony I stared straight ahead before …

"You may now kiss the bride."

I turned to look at Edward and whispered in his ear.

"Bite me."

Edward nodded solemnly, and slowly lowered his head to my neck. He slowly opened his mouth, baring his teeth, which I noticed were pointier than I remembered.

"Wait, no!" I whispered. "Not here, not now, not literally! I mean 'bite me' in the sexual sense, you know?"

Edward furrowed his brow. "Oh," he said, and kissed me.

The small crowd cheered as Edward pulled away.

"I now pronounce you man and wife!" the celebrant declared. Edward smiled at me softly, but there was something else in his eyes … I couldn't quite decipher it.

Then I realized it was hate.

"You hate me," I whispered to him, tears in my eyes.

Edward gasped in shock. "How could you even think that?" he asked in horror, as we walked back down the aisle, hand in hand. "Didn't I just marry you?"

"Well, yes," I said hesitantly. "But I saw hate in your eyes!"

He looked at me, confused. "How could you possibly think that hate has anything to do with this? I love you, my Bella. You are beautiful, you are wonderful, you are amazing, you are the light of my life, your beauty is indefinable, wonderful, I love you so very much, words cannot -"

"Let me be frank with you Edward. I'm fat," I said, trying valiantly to keep the self-hatred out of my voice. "How could you possibly love me?" I whimpered, finally breaking down.

"I'm a fool for love," he mused.

"But I'm so, plain and -"

"I only have eyes for you," he said sincerely as we climbed into the wedding car.

'I may be dead, I'm still pretty, which is more than I can say for you," Jasper said scathingly from the driver's seat. Alice slapped him.

"He's joking," she told me soothingly.

I couldn't help it, I burst into tears. I looked to Edward for comfort, but he had suddenly frozen, looking pensive.

"Ed -"

He cut me off with a sharp gesture, still watching Jasper intently. Then I realized who he was looking at …

Well, it was Alice of course. But I now understood the frozen expression on Edward's face – he had read her mind, and seen what she had seen in the future.

I continued to read Edward's expression as he listened to Alice's thoughts, and I saw a slow smile crawl onto his face. Whatever Alice had seen obviously pleased him. And for me this was bad news because ever since graduation, one part of me had been becoming restless with his living conditions. Edward experienced a moment of perfect happiness every time that I submitted to his strict rules. This was the reason that _I_ was never experiencing any moments of perfect happiness. Alice's vision could only mean that he would win the final fight.

"What fight?" Edward asked me absently.

"I didn't mention anything about a fight," I said, confused. "I was just thinking to myself … SWEET GOD!" I let out a loud gasp at exactly the same time Edward screamed in ecstasy.

"I just read your thoughts," smiled Edward.

I began to hyperventilate. What if he left me because he thought that my thoughts were even less attractive than I was? But I lost myself in his eyes, he was just so, so _sexy!  
_

"Don't be worried my love, I _like _your thoughts," he said with his most seductive smile.  
He looked at me with an amused smile now. "How can you think that in _public_?"

_I HATE YOU, BASTARD!_ I thought, as loudly as I could.

"Oh, we like talking dirty, do we?" said Edward in a low, amused voice that made me want to do something that some would regard as unsavoury.

Edward grinned. And then …

"Edward! That's so _skank_! I would never wear that!" I shrieked, pretending to read his thoughts. It worked, he looked completely shocked, as though I'd noticed he was thinking about himself wearing a fluffy pink bathrobe, letting Alice paint his toenails or something.

"What?" Edward gasped. "You read my thoughts?"

"That depends," I smirked. "What were you thinking about?"

"Er … not much … just something involving …" Edward averted his eyes.

"A bathrobe?" I suggested.

"What? No!" Edward said, bemused. Damn it. "I was thinking of you wearing something a little different to that …"

He winked at me and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. I looked down at my hideous and now ruined wedding dress. Different to this? Couldn't be that hard to imagine. It was too bad my ruse was blown, but it was worth it see the look of shock. What? No, he's still reading my thoughts, nothing was worth losing_ that_ part of my privacy.

I immediately began to think of a paintbrush working slowly back and forth on a wall. It worked, he looked puzzled and appeared to give up. I sighed, then contentedly resumed my previous train of thought. Ah, my X-rated romance … but someone else's thoughts interrupted mine. Someone else's thoughts … I was alarmed.

"What was that, Jasper?" I asked the silence. No one answered. Rrrrr, Alice. Edward looked up at me with an alarmed expression just as I looked at him with a disgusted one. He turned to Jasper, then Alice.

"WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? TELL ME, DAMN IT!" Edward shrieked.

Jasper slammed on the brakes. "You know what I was thinking Edward," he said with a very meaningful look. "You always know what I'm thinking."

Now Edward looked sulky. "I DON'T know what you're thinking." 

"I understand what's going on." I added helpfully. "You see, Edward, the tables have now turned. I can read everyone's thoughts … except yours. And you can read no one's thoughts … except mine."

"Not anymore!" said Edward frantically. "Even your thoughts are now gone! God, I've lost my abilities! All of this is your fault! YOU DID THIS! You took my thoughts from me!"

"You have done that yourself!"

"You're always trying _so hard_ to read _my_ thoughts to invade _my_ privacy that you lost contact with _everybody's_ thoughts," I raged. "And you _still_ can't read mine." I finished triumphantly.

"I know what you're thinking," I giggled, "and I'm sorry but I don't know why I have all the thoughts now. Also, if you want to braid my hair, all you have to do is ask."

"I _do_ know why you can read thoughts," Edward snarled. "You want so desperately to have some cool power so that I will like you enough to not ditch you and go join Emmett and Rosalie and have a threesome!"

"That's below the belt!"

"It'll be all around the belt!"

"You wear your belt too high!"

"I'm going to belt you!"

"Okay." I grinned.

If I had known then what his statement would lead to, I never would have agreed to it.


	3. Here Come The Belts

**Chapter Three**

I woke up and looked around me. I was lying on a familiar, king-sized bed, and next to me …

"Oh, God …" I groaned.

Edward was lounging beside me, flicking the end of a belt against his palm.

"Hey, I agreed to _this_, but you never thought to tell me I wasn't allowed to use some belts," he snickered.

"I'm telling you now. No belts!"

"Oh, it's too late for that."

...

Edward and I lay casually looking at the numerous belts littered around the room.

"Now why," he asked. "Did we put that off for so long?"

I sighed contentedly and hitched the bedcovers up around me. "It's your fault."

Edward chuckled in a low, musical voice. "Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh!"

"Oh, Edward!" I giggled. "I love your musical laugh; I find it so … intoxicating,"

"Oh, is that right? Heh heh!" Edward chuckled. He was leaning in towards me, when …

"WHAT IS THIS?" a familiar voice roared.

I looked up towards the door to see Charlie staring at us, murder in his eyes and a knife in his hand.

Luckily there was no incriminating evidence, except the belts. Edward was in fact leaning toward me to attach a long pink hair extension to the interesting ensemble on top of my head.

"We're playing hairdresser," said Edward innocently, despite the fact that he was half-naked.

"Oh, that's fine," said Charlie distractedly. "I'm looking for a chicken." Edward and I exchanged dubious expressions.

"Alice is teaching me how to cook," he explained, holding up the knife. "But I can't find the chicken."

"Oh. Well, sorry, you've come to the wrong place. Look in the fridge," Edward suggested.

Charlie grinned. "Thanks! Edward, you're a great son-in-law. Have fun there with Bella!"

"Oh, I will," said Edward. "I definitely will. Heh!"

"I just love the way Charlie is so oblivious." I sighed. Edward winked.

"You know I do too ..."


	4. Syphilis

**Chapter Four**

Our honeymoon had officially begun. I had no idea why we didn't just leave for our destination straight after our wedding, but I trusted Edward's decisions, because he was smarter than me.

It was strange … after last night, everything had gone back to normal. I could no longer read thoughts, and he now could (but still not mine). What had happened was so unexplainable that we passed it off for post-marriage giddiness.

The place Edward would be taking me for our honeymoon was a surprise. I knew that wherever it was would be the place I became a vampire. We were currently speeding down the highway in the limousine that Edward had bought specifically for the wedding. However, I had a burning question to ask him.

Nervously, I started. "Edward?"

Edward looked over at me and smiled. "Yes, Bella?"

I fidgeted uncomfortably and looked away. "Edward … remember that promise you made me? You know, my condition for marrying you?"

Edward looked smug. "Why of course … how could I forget? Last night was wonderful."

I looked up at him in shock. "Last night? What are you talking about? All we did was belt each other, what did you think we were doing?"

Edward looked confused. He bit his lip in concentration for a minute, before realisation dawned on him. "Oh yeah … belting and sex are different things."

"I'll say," I smirked. "Anyway … I was hoping that you could turn me tomorrow. But that means that sometime during the course of today, we will have to …"

"Ah."

"Yes."

"I see."

"Indeed."

"Ahem."

"This is awkward."

"So what's your point, anyway? You seemed like you had more to add," Edward asked.

Yes, I was getting at something. But I just didn't know how to ask … ah well. I decided to just say it.

"Edward," I began, "I understand that you have consumed a lot of blood in your earlier years, a lot of human blood I mean. And I'm just a little worried … that you may have …" I cleared my throat. "I'm worried you might have contracted some STD's."

I slowly turned my head to finally look at Edward. He stared at me with a blank expression for a full minute (it surprised me the car didn't crash) before he burst out laughing.

"Oh, Bella!" he cackled, tears of mirth running down his porcelain cheeks. Well, they would have been if he knew how to cry. "Bella, you are so funny. Oh, I can't believe you would even ask that question!"

I ducked my head down, embarrassed. "I'm sorry Edward," I said to my feet. "I shouldn't have made presumptions, I was just worried … what was I thinking … of course you don't have any STD's …"

At this, Edward stopped laughing. "Oh, no," he said in earnest, "I do have STD's. Heaps. Seventeen, in fact. That's why it's funny."

My jaw dropped.

Edward smiled brightly. "I can list them for you! Syphilis, herpes, trichomoniasis, donovanosis, balanitis, chancroid, Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, Gonorrhoea, Molluscum Contagiosum, Lymphogranuloma Venereum, Chlamydia, Non-gonococcal urethritis, Staphylococcus aureas, Jock Itch, Yeast Infection, Cytomegalovirus and Kangus."

I couldn't help it. I let out a blood-curdling scream of horror.

"AAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!"

At this, Edward stopped the car and put his hands on my shoulders, trying to calm me down.

"Bella, Bella, it's okay! Stop screaming, please, it'll be fine! Please listen to me! No, stop screaming Bella … put down that knife … Bella, it's okay, you have to stop, Bella SHUT UP!"

Edward roared those last two words louder than a lion I had once heard roar at the zoo. I shrugged his hands off my shoulder and shuddered … herpes hands.

"Edward, why didn't you tell me?" I asked hoarsely.

He shrugged. "Because it wasn't necessary," he said. "There was no need to start screaming, you know, I didn't even get to finish my tale. You see, although I have consumed the blood of people containing those diseases, and therefore the illnesses have flowed through my bloodstream, being a vampire meant I was never affected by herpes or anything else. Sure, the disease was in my blood, but it wasn't doing anything. It was benign … or is the term malignant? I don't remember."

I raised an eyebrow. Edward was being remarkably dense today. "Continue with your story," I told him.

"Well," he said. "There's something you don't know about vampires. We, ourselves, have no blood. The only blood that flows through our veins is the blood that we have consumed. When we get thirsty, it's because our blood flow is becoming weaker, as we vampires contain a certain acid in our bodies that dissolves our blood at a fairly slow rate. So, the diseased blood once in my body dissolved long ago. I am now full to the brim with healthy animal blood!" Edward stated proudly.

"Ew," I said. "I'd rather you were diseased."

"Well if you want, I can show you my genital warts. No, no Bella, I'm joking! I swear, it was all a joke … please, put that knife away! Where did you get it anyway? Bella, I don't actually have genital warts, I wasn't being serious, I … oh, sweet Perelandro … Bella, why do you carry a gun? The bullet won't kill me, you realise!"

I raised the gun to his temple and grinned maniacally. "No, but it'll hurt like hell."

Edward had paled. His already alabaster skin was now blindingly white. Squinting my eyes, I lowered the gun.

"Edward," I said consolingly, "I wasn't actually intending on shooting you. Look, the gun is just a starter's pistol."

I casually pulled the trigger, and a cracking noise was released along with a pathetic puff of smoke.

Edward was looking at me delightedly. "I've always wanted one of these," he said in a chirpy voice, taking the gun from me. "But why did you decide to bring it?"

I shrugged. "I just thought it was kind of kinky."

Edward revved the engine and grinned. "Let's go then," he said, smiling suggestively as the car sped towards our destination.

Little did I know what Edward had planned for tonight.


	5. Car Crash

**Chapter Five**

We had arrived at our destination nearly an hour ago. It was a large, wooden mansion in the middle of nowhere, but it was perfect. I knew that Edward had specifically chosen it for its isolation, so that I could scream as much as I wanted during my transformation. However, the countryside was beautiful and the house itself was luxurious.

I was sitting on the king-sized bed in our room, drying my hair as I waited for Edward to finish showering.

Within moments, Edward emerged from the bathroom wearing a lilac bathrobe covered in fluffy bobbles. It looked gorgeous with the purple under his eyes. I sighed contentedly.

"So," I said, smiling blissfully. "What's for dinner?"

The colour that wasn't in Edward's face drained from it, and then he looked ashamed.

"I forgot." He looked so upset that he might cry. It was nice to know that the thought of displeasing me affected him so – I felt a certain kind of power.

I smiled again to reassure him. "That's okay, you'll just have to drive back to town and get something."

Edward looked disgusted. "No way! All the way back to Forks?"

I couldn't help it. My lip began to tremble and I felt tears in my eyes.

Edward looked as though he was about to apologise, but said, "I think this is ridiculous. Look, if you let me turn you right now, it would be so much easier."

"No, Edward!" I sobbed hysterically. "YOU PROMISED!"

I collapsed onto the ground in tears, holding my arms around myself and howling.

Edward looked horrified. "Stop crying, Bella! There's a little corner shop a few miles away from here that probably sells food. I can get some there!"

I wiped the tears from my eyes and got back on my feet. Then an idea came to me. "Okay," I said, smiling sweetly. "I'll come with you … but only if you wear that bathrobe. I _dare_ you."

"What? NO!" Edward shrieked. "This is too revealing!"

"No, Edward," I said soothingly. "It looks fine. You look great! Besides, there's probably only one person at the store anyway."

Half an hour later, Edward and I stood outside the corner shop – a massive department store with over six hundred cars in the car park.

"Oops," I said, grinning, as Edward paled and self-consciously wrapped his bathrobe tighter around himself.

Charlie, Renée, all of the Cullens and most of Forks burst out of the door.

"SURPRISE," they all yelled. Charlie elbowed his way to the front of the crowd.

"We decided to throw together a nice dinner for you …" he boomed delightedly until, seeing Edward, his huge fake smile faltered. "… and Edward, what are you _wearing_?" Charlie asked, disgusted.

This provoked a series of nervous giggles from most of the females in Forks, and some of the males. Emmett and Jasper were cat-calling and I hung my head in shame. I knew that even when he was wearing nothing but a hideous fluffy bathrobe, Edward was still one thousand times more beautiful than I.

I needn't have felt this, however, because when I looked at Edward's beautiful face I saw that he looked as embarrassed as I would have done if someone had caught me in the act of singing a Casey Chambers song to my pitiful reflection.

But my heart broke at the pained grimace on Edward's face. Feeling brave, I addressed the crowd.

"People of Forks!" I called. My powerful voice echoed off the wall of the department store in front of us.

"Though Edward and I are infinitely pleased at your kind proposal of dinner, we cannot accept. It is, after all, our honeymoon, and we have other things to do. Let our first effusions be less insupportable than those of the generality of travellers."

Leaving the crowd of people scratching their heads, I boldly took Edward's hand and headed back to the car.

As I opened the door, he bent down and murmured in his low voice, "Thank you for that … Mrs Cullen. Heh heh!"

I felt a lump rising I my throat. For once, Edward was just being normal, not trying to dazzle me. Heck, his voice wasn't even musical! But our touching moment was interrupted by the fact that in bending down to whisper in my ear, Edward's bathrobe had –

Well.

There was stunned silence, screams of terror, angry yelling and wolf whistling. Mostly it just sounded like noise. Before Edward had been embarrassed – now he looked terrified.

"Get in the car!" I yelled, simultaneously stamping on the accelerator.

Shrieking and waving his arms about wildly, Edward jumped into the passenger's seat and shut the door.

As soon as we were safely on the road, I couldn't help it. I let out a giggle. Edward looked at me with eyebrows raised, traces of embarrassment still evident on his face. At this comical expression, I let out another giggle. Edward began to grin, and I just kept laughing. Soon enough, we were both bent over double into the dashboard and steering wheel, laughing hysterically as the car was in danger of crashing.

I didn't though. It took several minutes before the laughter had subsided and by then, we were almost back at the house.

_Edward:_

Every thing that happened next, though extremely sudden, seemed to go in slow motion.

_A dark cat ran across the road about twenty metres in front of us, directly in front of an approaching black van. The driver swerved to avoid the cat, but lost control of the van in the process._

_The black vehicle, now less than five metres away, came crashing into us._

_Far too late, I thrust out my arms to protect Bella, but before my arms could prevent any damage, there was an almighty explosion of sound, impact and … and blood. It seemed as I was moving without any thoughts, simply reacting … even as I was struggling from the wrecked car, I knew that the driver of the black van was dead. The van had all but disintegrated upon impact; its charred remnants were still smoking._

Freeing myself from the wreckage of our car, I immediately smelled it … her blood.

"BELLA!" I screamed fiercely, crawling towards her pale, blood-soaked body on the bitumen. There were shards of glass piercing her skin – she had obviously been thrown through the window.

"Oh, my God …" I whispered. Bella was barely conscious, her breathing shallow and ragged. She looked at me with tortured eyes, and drew a sharp breath as a small trickle of blood from a gash on her forehead crawled down her face like a tear.

"Please don't die, Bella," I whispered shakily, barely refraining from letting out dry sobs. I brought my hands to her neck and pulled them back, shocked, as I realised they were drenched in her blood. I stared at my hand with dread, raising it to my face and noticing, with a morbid fascination, the contrast of her red blood on my translucent skin. With horror, I lowered my hand back to Bella's neck and noticed her pulse was faint and measured. She had closed her eyes, and was now barely breathing. The smell of her blood was overwhelming me, sickening me as I realised that there was only one thing I could do.

The sound of Bella's gently beating heart was pounding deafeningly in my ears as, shaking and breathing raggedly, I lowered my mouth to her neck.

Breathing in her scent, my lips barely touching her skin, I closed my eyes and held her warm face in my bloody hands one last time, before I sunk my teeth into her smooth, pale neck.

Then she started screaming.


	6. The Magical Cat

I sat on the front stairs with my head in my hands. Images kept flashing through my mind, images of the girl lying dead on the sofa, the most beautiful girl I'd ever known, who I loved so much, too much …

The girl that I'd killed.

She was lying quietly now, as if in a peaceful sleep, but soon the spasms would start and she would be screaming again.

The last few hours had been a blur. After I had gotten her home and washed all the blood off myself, I had gone out into the open air away from her smell … but I could tell, already, that she was changing. Her blood was beginning to smell steelier, more metallic. Less human.

I thought it would be easier for me, during this time. I thought that knowing I would have her back, stronger than ever, in three days would make this time bearable. I was wrong.

Suicide, as an option, had already occurred to me. I felt as though I had killed her, and that perhaps it would be easier to ask Jacob a small but deadly favour because guilt and doubt and sorrow and anxiety just don't get easier … and neither does trying not to crush the small silver cell phone in my palm every time I hear her screams.

But I couldn't bear to die without Bella.

What was I going to say to her, when she woke up?

Some idiot son of a bitch swerved to miss a freaking cat and made me kill you?

Bella, honey you've been in a terrible accident, but it didn't kill you, I did? Look I'm really sorry but you'll never be able to go out in the sun in public again? That poor cat, imagine if he'd been hit!

I actually burst into a fit of deranged laughter at my own dark humour and was so absorbed that when I felt a soft tickling sensation on my left ankle I nearly wet myself with shock.

"Oh, if it isn't the little instigator of this merry affair!" I yelled malevolently.

For it was, of course, the cat. _The _cat. Suddenly I was over come with the most pure rage that I had ever felt. I threw a fierce right hook at the cat fully expecting it to, well. What I was certainly _not_ expecting was what did happen.

I got punched in the face, and it _hurt_.

I blinked at the perfectly unharmed cat several times, trying to understand what the hell had just happened. I raised my fist again, just to make sure, but the cat raised an eyebrow and said:

"Oh, I wouldn't do that again if I were you. It must have really hurt the first time when you punched me and your fist rebounded and hit you in the face."

I looked at the cat. It was staring at me with a sly smile on its face.

"ARGH!" I squealed, feeling rather unhinged. "YOU CAN TALK? WHAT THE HELL? YOU'RE A FREAKING CAT!"

The cat, however, was unperturbed.

"Of course I can't talk you imbecile, cats can't talk, _you're reading my thoughts_." It continued to stare at me, its golden eyes holding something very close to disdain, then it began to lick its dark glossy fur.

"You must be a very stupid cat, you're not thinking anything at all now." I said smugly. The cat raised an eyebrow.

"I can block you out, OR MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO NOT HEAR ME whenever I wish,"_ thought_ the cat, looking even smugger than I had done. I crossed my arms.

"And the punch, what? You're invincible or something?"

The cat's tail twitched, but it nodded once slowly.

"I'm going to put that to the test." Before that cat knew what had happened I had scooped it up, climbed onto the roof and thrown it over the edge. I peered over, hoping to see some serious carnage. I was disappointed. The cat was standing looking slightly ruffled, but not hurt and definitely not dead.

"Haven't you ever been told that cats always land on their feet?" it thought innocently.

I jumped back onto the ground and sat beside the cat, looking into its frighteningly wise eyes.

"Are you strong enough to kill me?" I asked.

Suddenly the cat's face became inscrutable, then stern.

"Bella loves you Edward. Waking up alone would break her heart…and more importantly, she would be _alone,_ alone and free to give in to the temptation. And regardless of how you feel about her or _yourself_ after what you've done, she is now your responsibility."

I looked away and then back again. "So what are you, my Yoda?" I said with a weak attempt at humour. The cat's expression softened, and then it nodded, once slowly. It then proceeded to climb into my lap and curl into a ball. I hated cats, but its warmth, its _living_ warmth felt so comforting and so like - but I couldn't think of her,_ who_ was she?

With the cat now curled comfortably upon my lap, my thoughts began to blur and for the first time in one hundred and seven years, I fell asleep.

I hadn't, at any stage, bothered to think about the dead guy in the black van.


	7. Farmer Bill

Farmer Bill was out tilling soil with a pitchfork in his kangaroo farm when he heard a loud crashing noise.

Wiping his sweaty brow, Farmer Bill fought his way through the two metre high crops with a machete, anxious to locate the source of the bang.

The farmer wasn't getting very far in this heat, so took off his Driza-Bone coat and gumboots. Now he was clad only in his flannel shirt, R.M. Williams jeans, woollen socks with sock-savers and his Akubra hat.

Still sweating profusely, Farmer Bill was becoming more and more worried that the loud noise had been caused by his tractor exploding, so jogged even faster towards his barn, slashing furiously with his machete.

The farmer was barely halfway to his barn when he noticed smoke coming from the road. Panting heavily, he changed his direction slightly, realising that the bang came from a car accident, not his tractor.

Hoping none of his kangaroos had been slaughtered, he increased his pace until he was at the fence that separated his farm from the road.

With incredible agility for an eighty-seven year old, Farmer Bill jumped the fence and was confronted with the sight of a car wreck. But it was more than that.

It was the charred remnants, still smoking, of a large black van, and half-hanging out of the driver's seat was a body.

"Streuth, he's in strife!" Farmer Bill shouted, rushing to the body. He leant down beside it, and brushed its hair out of its face.

The body was male, Farmer Bill could see that much. But there was something familiar about his charred face …

"Fair dinkum," the farmer whispered. "It's Billy's boy …"

The driver of the black van had been Jacob Black.


	8. Interlude and Review Warfare

INTERLUDE

**Hey there readers.**

In order to fully comprehend the next chapter, "_Russet Coloured Cats, At Your Window, ON YOUR NECK_!", I suggest you read the other Fan Fiction I have written, "_**Seducing Edward**_", as it is a companion piece to this story.

There's a war going on within my reviews.

Check it oooooot:

**bettingonalice123**

ahem Well, that was... stupid. Bella and Edward are both so out of character I can't even... describe it. Just stop embarassing yourself.

**sakimono**

Oh, shutup, bettingonalice123! nobody gives a crap about your freakin flames.

Luv dis story! keep updating! YAY!

Sakimono chan

**yeroismyhero**

Shut up sakimono! At least bettingonalice123 has the guts to say what she really thinks! She has her own oppinion! And it is plain wrong to flame her for flaming!

**bettingonalice123**

I'm really sorry you feel that I'm such an awful person because I have an opinion, sakimono. I accept that you like this story and I don't have a problem with it, I just personally don't like it.

WOW!

It's like, review warfare. Wars between reviewers concerning reviews. Frawgsome! Hopefully the war will continue, and I can make the Review Warfare into a separate Fan Fiction.

More Belting Edward is coming soon. Brace thyself.


	9. Russet Coloured Cats At Your Window

_Edward_

My eyes slowly fluttered open. It was midday and the sun was out in full force. I squinted into the bright light and then -

"What the pucking hull?" I jumped up off the uncomfortable stairs.

I had been in the depth of slumber, I had drifted into the world of dreams, I had ventured into the realm of unreality, I had given over to my subconscious, I had been out for the count, under the waves of drowsiness, off the diving block of wakefulness, on the wandering path of illusion, walking through the art gallery of my cerebral cortex, watching the movie in my mind.

I had been **asleep**. 

"What the hull!" I exclaimed again.

"Shut up, you insolent fool, you'll wake her," hissed a voice.

I looked around and saw a small russet-coloured cat at my feet. Okay, that was not normal. Something about that colour - yes!

My dream, a small puppy licking at an empty food dish, it had looked up at me, begging, pleading. But the puppy hadn't been russet coloured, and neither was the cat, but - what? Then everything came back. Bella was dead. And a cat who told me it was my Yoda had turned up and not died when I killed it, and then … then it had made me fall asleep.

"I've always hated cats you know," I said. It looked disgusted.

"Excuse me, I just gave you over twelve hours of peaceful slumber, and all you can do is attempt to insult me."

Then I remembered what my dream had been about …

"YOU!" I bellowed. "FILTHY. PEVERSE. KNOW-IT-ALL SKANK OF A CAT!"

The cat smirked. "That boy has lusted after you for a long time now."

"I'm going to vomit now, without even looking down, and I hope that most of it lands on you!"

**A/N: For details on Edward's dream, read "Seducing Edward" by Belts. That's me.**


	10. All Seats Taken

Billy Black was watching the game with Charlie Swan when his phone rang to the tune of Bec Hewitt's "All Seats Taken".

"Yellow?" Billy answered.

He heard nothing but breathing coming from the other end of the line.

"Charlie, is that you?" Billy asked.

"No, mate, I'm in here watching the game," hollered Charlie from the room next door.

"Well then, I demand to know who this is!" Billy bellowed into the receiver.

The voice at the other end was timid and weak. "It's – it's me. Farmer Bill …"

An easy grin broke out over Billy's tanned and wrinkled face. "Ol' Bill, how the hell are you?"

Farmer Bill sounded as though he was struggling to say something. "I'm – I'm not doing so well, Billy. There's been an accident by my farm …"

Billy's smile faded. A look of worry overcame his face, his brow furrowing in anguish for his good mate Farmer Bill. "What is it? Has one of your kangaroos been killed?"

"No," came the response. "I was lying about owning a kangaroo farm, anyway. It's impossible to farm kangaroos – they'd just jump the fence. And what would I farm them for? Jeez, you can't exactly milk them, can you? Nor can you eat their meat! Well, the Aborigines do sometimes, but it ain't exactly a delicacy. But I digress, Billy – this is about your boy, Jacob."

Billy's brow furrowed deeper. "I hope he hasn't been mucking around in your crops again, Farmer."

Farmer Bill shook his head at his phone in pure anguish, tears running down his crinkled cheeks. He opened his mouth wide, revealing two teeth, and let out a howl. "YOUR JACOB IS DEAD!" he screamed, sobbing.

Billy dropped the phone and fell to the floor, clutching his sides in agony. He snapped the phone in half and let out a spine-tingling, callous scream of distress and sorrow.

Charlie came sprinting into the room and kneeled beside Billy's shaking, tormented body, placing a gentle but firm hand on his shoulder as Billy expressed his grief in the only way he knew how.

He screamed. He screamed and screamed, curling himself into the foetal position and clutching his knees, still screaming in agony.

Charlie let a single tear fall from his eye as he slowly stood, and found a blanket to place over Billy as he grieved.

Charlie then exited the room, leaving Billy to express his emotions in privacy. Once he was outside, Charlie picked up his phone and started making the calls to organise Jacob Black's funeral.


	11. The Bloodthirsty Fairy Light Display

Chapter Eleven: The World's Most Bloodthirsty Fairylight Display

Chapter Ten: The World's Most Bloodthirsty Fairy Light Display

It took me a long time to recover from my vomiting fit, because every time I wiped my mouth thinking it was over, I would remember the horrible, horrible nightmare and another wave of nausea would overtake me. Finally, the sickness passed and I looked the cat in the eye.

"Just tell me why you made me dream about that, and … eurgh!" I shivered with disgust at the thought of my dream.

"It was no mere fabrication," the cat began very solemnly. "I am here with you for a reason. I am here to guide you, help you see the necessary truths."

I swallowed. "You - you mean that Bella is going to turn out to be … no!"

The idea was simply repulsive. I started to vomit again. The cat looked slightly amused, but continued.

"Time and truth and two very complicated things, Edward. We see only a certain truth, but purely because we see it at a certain time. The _absolute_ truth is rarely seen, because everything we see is truth to us until another time when we see that it is not. It was merely our confused conception of the absolute truth, because at that time it was all we knew. Often our conception of the truth is tainted because at that time we had only seen part of the truth, or the truth from a certain angle, which may have been biased or otherwise, so that when a certain event takes place we don't see the real truth in it, all because our conception of truth is very unfortunately relative to the time in which we experience it."

The cat looked into my confused face with sympathy. "I am guiding you, Edward, so that you always see the real truth. I am preparing you for certain moments in your life, when you will not have the whole truth. You need me so that you can understand _fully_ the complexities of a situation or event which is beyond the realms of your conception of the truth."

I put my head in my hands. That _speech_ was beyond the realms of my conception of the truth! I looked up at the cat again and could see wicked amusement dancing behind it eyes. The cat flicked its tail, then spoke once more.

"At the moment you are confused, but do not dwell on the shortcomings of your mental capacity."

Again, the cat's tail twitched. "I have the perfect means for diverting you from your unhappy reflections," it said.

I eyed the cat warily. It had certainly led me astray before … but there was no doubt that I needed a distraction. The cat seemed to sense my submission, and delightedly sprang up the stairs and into the house. I gave a resigned sigh and followed it inside.

The cat was sitting at the table with a deck of cards in front of it. Perfect, I was going to pwn the noob! I'd had several decades in which to perfect my card playing technique, and if I was losing I knew exactly how to successfully cheat my way back to win.

"I am going to teach you a new game. It is called … _Special Luck_," the cat enunciated with relish, its golden eyes fixed on mine. They were so … dazzling. I broke away from the cat's powerful gaze and noticed that the deck of cards was shuffling itself.

"How are you doing that!" I was flabbergasted. The cat was truly magical! It smirked at me.

"Edward, when you walk into the sunlight you sparkle like the world's most bloodthirsty fairy light display," it said, raising a single eyebrow. Oh gods, I find people that can raise a single eyebrow sooo sexy! But the cat did have a point.

"Fine, teach me this new game of yours, Yoda," I said, sitting down at the table opposite the magical cat.

The cat raised its eyebrow again, and I began to feel sure that it had lied to me when it said that it couldn't read my thoughts. The deck then split itself into two separate hands, one in front of the cat and one in front of me.

"Are you familiar with the game Cheat?" asked the cat.

I was, and I was very good at it to. Whenever we play it together as a family Carlisle loses, because he can't bear to lie. I gave a nod, thinking of how the cat's face would look when I beat the fur off it.

"Well this game is exactly the same, except you play with an open hand," the cat said, smirking again.

Playing Cheat with only two players was pointless enough, but with your cards face up … this was idiocy.

"That makes the game utterly pointless," I scoffed.

The cat raised an eyebrow. "It is true that this game seems to have no point, and it is also true that you have no control over the game whatsoever, but eventually … somebody gets _Special Luck_."

This was not idiocy, this was mindless bumfuckery.

"Ah, I have the two of clubs," said the cat, putting it down face up on the table.

I looked at the card, then at the cat, then at my hand, and back at the cat. I didn't have any threes. The cat knew this as well, as it could see my whole hand spread out in front of me. There was complete silence for a minute. I selected one of my cards at random, never taking my eyes off the cat, and put it on top of the cat's two. The cat smirked.

"Cheat!" it said gleefully.

I growled and put both of the cards savagely in amongst my embarrassingly exposed hand. I happened to have all of the fours, so I put them down. The cat smiled, and then put down one five. I looked at my hand and put down the two sixes that I had. Then the cat heaved a great sigh and put down a nine on my sixes. I looked into the cats eyes and felt a sudden joy rush through my body.

"Cheat!" I exclaimed enthusiastically.

The cat then gathered up the pile of cards and put them into its hand.

We had been playing for about ten minutes when I finally got down to two cards, a five and a seven.

The cat put down a four and I felt another rush of joy as I put down my five. The cat smiled, then put down a six …

Slowly, with a trembling hand, I reached out towards the pile and gently let my seven drop on the top. I had no more cards left. I had won.

"Well done, Edward … you had Special Luck!" the cat said, smiling.

I blinked several times in amazement. Then, I found myself feeling happy, so happy that if I had been Angel I would have lost my soul right then and there at the table.

"So, what have you learned, Edward?" inquired the cat, raising one eyebrow as the deck began to reshuffle itself.

"I have learned that I GORRAM LOVE THIS GAME!" I screeched maniacally. Bella would have been proud.

Speaking of Bella, she should be waking up any minute now …


	12. Bella Awakens

Chapter Eleven: Bella Awakens

I felt my heart beat gradually slowing, becoming a dull pounding in my ears as the irregular bass drum beat eventually came to a deadening halt … it reminded me of that time I was driving my truck and then it … died. Or so I thought. Turns out it was just out of fuel.

Only then did I notice that the pain was gone. Then I realised that I was in a car crash. Then I realised that Edward had bitten me. Then I realised that I was a vampire.

A sudden excitement coursed through my veins, which I noticed were no longer pumping with blood.

I opened my eyes and found another pair of eyes staring back at me. Edward's.

I sat up with such speed that my forehead smashed into Edward's head and sent him flying into the wall, where he left a large Edward-shaped dent.

"Edward!" I squealed, jumping into his arms with joy. He caught me with shock, looking rather worried.

"Edward, what's the matter? You vamped me! You sired me! You turned me! I'm a vampire, just like you! Now we can be together forever! And I'll be really beautiful, for once!" I grinned like a lunatic at the thought, and immediately jumped out of Edward's arms to find a mirror.

"Bella! No! I wouldn't do that if I were you!" Edward called after me anxiously, following me as I sprinted into the bathroom.

I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, and reflected in it I saw …

Me.

Myself.

Isabella Swan.

The exact same as I had always been.

I felt myself turn red with anger and disappointment. I felt myself swelling with rage. I punched the mirror in resentment and it smashed into a million pieces. Slowly, I turned to face Edward, my teeth bared as I pulled my lips back in a snarl. I could feel that my passive aggressive nature had caused the great anger building inside me for years to burst forth.

"_WHAT! THE! PUCK_!" I screamed, so loudly I thought my throat might tear, if it weren't for the fact that I now had a super-strong vampire throat. I grabbed Edward by his shirt and shook him violently, so violently that he looked genuinely frightened and a tear almost leaked out of his gorgeous golden eye.

I didn't have gorgeous golden eyes. Mine were brown. BROWN!

All the anger inside me seemed to dull down, until it left me feeling nothing but depressed and suicidal. I slid down the wall and curled my legs up, wrapping my arms around my knees and burying my face.

"Cheer up, emo," said Edward comfortingly, putting an arm around me and pulling my chin up to look at him pathetically.

"You're still beautiful to me," he smiled, ruffling my hair like a child. "Bug up, there!"

"Isn't it 'buck' up?" I asked.

"I don't know," he replied, confused.

"Oh, Edward!" I sobbed without any real tears. "Why, why, WHY aren't I beautiful?" I broke down on the floor, shaking with grief.

"I believe the only one with all the answers is myself," came an unfamiliar voice, echoing all around me …

I looked up, and saw that a cat had situated itself on Edward's lap.

"Sweet fucking Perelandro …" I muttered, not taking my eyes off the possibly hostile creature. "Edward, my love … there's a fricking cat sitting on your lap and it's talking."

"Yeah," said Edward conversationally. "This cat's been hanging around for a couple of days now. It's kind of my mentor, you know, my 'Yoda'. It's magical. It made me fall asleep and dream about … all kinds of horrors. And it taught me a game called 'Special Luck'. I think you'll really like the cat, actually, it's been a great friend to me while you were asleep, I was thinking we should adopt it … or something … Bella!" Edward had stopped his talking and was looking at me in horror.

I let out a large burp as I finished drinking the last of the cat's blood. "What?" I asked Edward, as I coughed up some fur. The magical cat's blood had been really nice. I think it was my singer.

Edward looked as though he was about to cry. He grabbed fistfuls of his hair and looked quite deranged as he pulled on it in agony. I tossed the carcass of the cat aside and took Edward's hands in mine.

"Edward, honey, what did I do wrong?" I asked gently, looking into his beautiful eyes.

"That cat was my friend," he whispered sadly. "And you killed it!"

"I am not dead," came an impressive voice from behind me. I looked around to discover that the magical cat was still alive. I swiftly grabbed its tail, and again, drained it of its blood.

Edward screamed in disgust. But the cat just kept coming back to life!

So I kept drinking its blood until I felt satisfied.

"Are you quite finished?" the cat asked, as I took one last great slurp. It was pissed off, I could tell.

"Yes," I said guiltily, as the cat brushed itself off.

"Well," said the cat. "Good then."

Edward was cowering in the corner, muttering about Jesus and resurrection and reciting the Hail Mary.

"As I was saying," continued the cat. "If you want to know why you are not changed, Bella, I have all the answers."

"Shoot!" I said. I didn't actually believe this idiot of a feline had any answers, to anything. I was just humouring it.

"Ah, I see," the cat murmured. "You don't believe I have any of the answers … you're just humouring me."

Shit.

"Well, I shall prove you wrong … if I have not already," the cat smirked. It clasped its paws together and began speaking.

"Bella," it said. "Most vampires bring a trait from their human lives into their vampire lives. You know this already. Edward was an observant human, who had a knack for understanding and reading people … he can now read their thoughts. Carlisle was a highly compassionate human … he was able to abstain from drinking any human blood without any help."

The cat looked into my eyes.

"But you, Bella," it whispered. "You were something else. No one could penetrate your mind, because you were so truly human. Your blood sang for Edward more than anyone else's … because it was pure human. Your trait, Bella, is your humanity."

I slowly inhaled, my hands shaking.

"This is not a bad thing," the cat told me, comfortingly. "You have something vampires everywhere dream of. You still have your life … but with all the benefits."

I raised an eyebrow quizzically, and looked over to Edward, whose mouth was hanging open.

"You are strong, Bella. You will sparkle in the sunlight. You no longer require that nuisance of sleep. You have enhanced senses. You have remarkable endurance and agility. You can run faster than the speed of light. You don't require sustenance, other than blood. You are immortal. And … you are beautiful."

The cat finished talking and smiled at me.

The inspirational speech had almost made me cry. I had so many powers now! But the cat wasn't right about everything.

"You're lying," I told it quietly. It raised its eyebrows. "You're lying. I'm not beautiful. I look exactly the same as I always have."

Edward closed his mouth and turned to me, his face breaking out into a loving grin. "Oh, Bella," he smiled. "Silly Bella … that is because you have always been beautiful."

My heart broke in joy. I let out a delighted giggle. I felt loved.

The cat smiled down at Edward and me fraternally as we embraced.

"Now, now, children," it said. "I haven't quite finished explaining myself. Bella, you have all these vampire qualities. But you are a rarity. Because you still own all of your human cognitive abilities, feelings etcetera. And the only blood you will ever thirst for … is mine."

I gasped.

"Why is that?" I asked.

Edward shrugged with his hands in his pockets, which I personally found quite hot. He raised one eyebrow. He then pulled one of his pale, piano-playing hands out of his pockets, and was now holding a lollipop. He unwrapped it and started licking it. After all this, I was feeling very turned on. I decided to listen to the cat.

"I do not know," the cat replied. "Possibly because I was involved in the car accident that caused your vampirism. That is irrelevant. The point is, you are technically a vampire, but you have kept your humanity. Your skin was already pale, so no difference there. Bella, you were so vampiric when you were a human that no one can tell the difference now that you _are_ a vampire. Therefore, you can feel free to visit your family and friends without any suspicion."

Oh Gods. I was hoping I'd never see Charlie again, not after that incident at the shopping mall with Edward's bathrobe … no sir. Nevertheless, this _would_ make things easier.

I sighed, relieved at how all of this had turned out, and smiled at my Edward. He was still beaming at me, his magnificent face radiating pure joy.

Today had been a good day, in total. I got successfully vamped, drank the most delicious beverage I had ever tasted, and learnt that I was beautiful.

However, tonight …

The moths attack.


	13. The Moths Are Coming

Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

I began to disentangle myself from Edward's cold embrace, but he caught my hand and looked into my eyes lovingly. I tugged against his vice-like grip, and a loud grinding sound filled the air. There were certainly a lot of things to get used to, well, aside from draining a cat's blood every ten minutes. I looked into Edward's eyes and he raised a single eyebrow. I let out a gasp, then the cat looked at me and raised an eyebrow. I reached for the cat.

"You have no idea how tasty you look right now!" I said, grabbing the cat and stuffing it into my mouth. After I was done I looked back at Edward. His eyebrow wavered as if he was going to raise it, but then he seemed to think better of it … for the cat's sake.

"Bella, I've written a song for you." said Edward, with a seductive smile … well, it wasn't really seductive, but Edward has a very seductive face. I envisioned one of his boring piano songs, lamenting the fact that I couldn't fall asleep anymore to escape it.

'I'll be back," he said. This time his smile _was _seductive, I was sure of it.

In an instant he was back … holding a cello.

Now cello music, I have _very_ different feelings towards. I smiled in anticipation.

Edward sat down, wrapping his knees around the instrument. I let my eyes travel down his body and the body of the instrument, a hungry smile appearing on my face … I forgot all about the cat, and therefore didn't notice that it had a hungry smile too.

Edward positioned himself so that he was leaning over the instrument slightly. He wrapped his left hand around the neck and tilted his face down to check that his bow was over the strings.

His eyes flicked up to meet mine … he looked dangerous, and I liked it.

He began to play, never taking his eyes off mine. The song was like nothing I'd ever heard before … it was so seductive and dangerous, yet I couldn't get up and leave, I couldn't look away, I couldn't tell him to stop, because he had me bound there, with his golden eyes and alluring music.

Gradually the slow bow strokes became more frantic, and as Edward's left hand began to shift up higher, closer to his bow hand, I felt my non-existent pulse quicken.

He continued playing, the cutting yet soothing sounds causing me to shiver … Edward was losing himself in the music, his head hunched over the instrument, listening to the echoes, his bow hand shaking with passion … he was playing tremolo, cutting across all of the strings, almost playing on top of the bridge, using his thumb as well as fingers to keep up with the frantic bowing. I grasped myself with shock at his use of the sul pont technique; I could almost feel it burning me …

Edward was trembling all over, as submerged in the song as I was. As the song reached its climax I saw Edward visibly exhale, the tremolo gradually ceasing as the pace slowly came back to almost walking speed. His index finger slowly slid back down the fingerboard, making me think of fingernails on chalkboards, but the effect was the most erotic sound I'd heard in my life. Edward's head was raised again, his eyes closed in ecstasy. The music was almost inaudible now, and with a hint of vibrato, the song ended.

It was the most sexual sensation I had ever experienced.

"Wow." I let the word blow out over my lips, still in a kind of daze.

"That really, _really_, turned me on," came a voice.

There was silence, then Edward and I turned to look at the cat. Its mouth was hanging open and its eyes were slightly glazed over. I had no idea that Edward had that effect on cats.

I laughed at the randy cat, walking over behind Edward, putting my arms around his shoulders. I slowly slid to my knees and whispered near his ear, looking at the cat.

"I think that Padawan/Master relationships are _so_ wrong," I told him, with a slight smirk, but I couldn't deny that the cat had a point. As my lips brushed Edward's icy neck, I couldn't help but wish that we were in an opera box together …

"You have _very_ odd sexual fantasies, Mrs Cullen," said the cat, having recovered from its trance.

"You can read my thoughts?" I gasped, standing up.

"Oh, no, not _your _thoughts, but hey, what else would you want to do with him after that?" the cat exclaimed.

Again, the cat had a point.

"There's a theatre about five hours away, they're showing Phantom of The Opera tonight," Edward murmured to me. I could tell that the music had turned him on as much as it had turned me on. "I can get us there in four minutes."

I felt my heart leap with joy and excitement. At the same time, I felt a strange humming reverberate through my body.

"Hey, what's that strange humming that I can feel reverberating through my body?" said the cat.

"I can feel it too!" I announced, importantly. "What is it, Edward?"

"How the puck should I know, isn't the cat supposed to be all knowing?" countered Edward. "But if it makes a difference, I can also feel it."

The cat looked uncomfortable, and then something behind us caught its gaze. A look

of pure terror flashed onto its face.

It said the dreaded words. "Don't look now, but …"

Edward and I whipped around and looked out the window. That's when we saw it …

The huge dark of movement rising up, blotting out the setting sun …

It was the moths.

There was no escape, we knew that. We simply sat by the window, patiently, waiting for the moths to come.

I knew, just knew, that they would attach themselves to my neck.

"You don't know this," whispered Edward. "But every night while you sleep, the moths come to your window, then they come inside and land on your neck, and they bite you. And I watch. I watch them feast on your flesh. I watch them, smiling, as they gnaw at you and claw at you while you slumber on obliviously, their venom injecting into your skin like a drug, your neck a bloody mess, yet the moths are still hungry, but then the sun comes up and they are gone into the darkness until tomorrow night, when they return, hungrier than ever."

My jaw dropped open. I looked at Edward fearfully. He looked back at me with wide eyes. I wasn't sure whether he was joking or not.

The moths were getting closer, and closer … but now that they were only a few metres away from the window, they didn't look so threatening. I could see that they were carrying a letter.

I opened up the window and took the letter from them, and they immediately flew away.

Edward helped my trembling fingers open the letter. That is when I read the fateful words …

_Dear Bella,_

_I am sorry to interrupt your honeymoon, but I have terrible news. Jacob Black is dead. He was driving a black van, which was found completely charred just outside Farmer Bill's place. I'm so sorry. His funeral is tomorrow. It would mean so much to Billy if you, and Edward too, could be there._

_Love, Charlie._

**A/N: Hi there, readers. The song which Edward played on the cello was called **_**"Moths At Your Window … Moths On Your Neck"**_** and it was written by Belts. That is I. It can be located at my MySpace Music page, if you wish to listen to it, and the URL for that is on my Profile Page. The song may not be posted yet, but it will be some time soon.**


	14. Jacob's Funeral

The Next Chapter

**A/N: I just hiccoughed five times in quick succession. As in, one HICCUP, then two seconds later another, then two seconds later another … and then it was over, as suddenly as it had began. They were the type of hiccoughs that made my whole body lurch as a side effect.**

The Next Chapter

Bella and Edward walked through the door of the church gracefully, both clad in black lycra body suits that clung to their beautiful figures and accentuated their pale ivory skin. Actually, it made them look shiny all over, because the suits were metallic and thus glittered, causing their skin to sparkle like diamonds.

All the guests at Jacob Black's funeral suddenly forgot to mourn, too startled in the presence of such breath-taking beauty.

None of the sparkling guests were crying, they noticed, but they both wore expressions of extreme sorrow. The tall male one, Edward, they presumed, made his way to the front of the church and cleared his throat.

"Welcome, all. We are gathered here today to mourn the loss of our friend, our son, our brother, our lover … Jacob Black," Edward began.

One lady fell to the ground in agonised sobs.

"I will not say do not weep," Edward said solemnly. "For not all tears are an evil."

The lady looked up at Edward, her face shining with tears, then let a small, hopeful smile creep onto her face as she stood back up and seated herself again. Edward smiled comfortingly at her and addressed the crowd once more.

"Friends and family of Jacob … I know that he and I may not have been the greatest of friends while he was alive … but Jacob did mean a lot to me. So much so, that I wrote a song especially for him, which I never got the chance to show him."

Edward's voice had gotten slightly higher as he pronounced these last few words, and he bowed his head and wrung his hands, trying to pull himself together. He took a deep breath and put his brave face on, trying to continue his speech, but he found that his throat was too tight. He looked desperately at Bella, seated in the audience, and she nodded slightly at him. He nodded back, now ready to go on.

"So," Edward said awkwardly. "I'd really like to play the song I wrote for him. I hope that where he is, he can see me right now, and I hope that he can hear this song, because it meant a lot to me when I wrote it and my only regret is that I never got to show him this song in person."

Edward seated himself at the church organ (which the magical cat was seated on top of) and placed his hands gently on the keys. He looked upwards, towards the heavens.

"This is for you, Jake," he whispered, and began to play.

His fingers pounced deftly across the keys, hitting the notes with crisp precision. Edward closed his eyes as he played, his hands knowing their place automatically, and felt himself swaying slightly in rhythm with the song, his feet applying pressure to the pedals gently.

The beginning chords of the song were hopeful and peaceful sounding, in the key of F Major, and Edward felt a smile creep onto his face as the song produced happy memories of the times he and Jacob had spent together.

As the introduction ended, Edward lifted his foot off the right pedal and began to play the accompaniment. He opened his eyes, looked over at Jacob's coffin, and began to sing the song he had written specifically for the boy whose lover he had shared.

"_Making my way downtown_

_Walking fast_

_Faces passed_

_And I'm home bound."_

Edward's fingers danced over the keys once more, but with an even pressure applied to each key, his smile now firmly in place as he thought of Jacob and continued to sing.

"_Staring blankly ahead_

_Just making my way_

_Making my way –"_

Edward's song was interrupted by a sudden roar.

"SIIIIILLEEENNNNCCEEE!" a commanding voice boomed.

Edward cringed, twirling on his piano stool to locate the source of the voice.

Billy Black was standing on top of his wheelchair, arms outstretched in anger.

"Is there a problem, sir?" Edward asked, in a rather squeaky voice.

"You did not write that song," Billy growled in a deadly voice.

"No, I did not," Edward agreed calmly.

"No, you didn't," Billy growled yet again.

"No, you're absolutely right, sir," Edward said.

"Yes, I am right," Billy grumbled, sitting back down.

Edward and Bella then took their seats in the audience, and watched the rest of the procession without causing any more of a scene.

As the time came for Jacob's burial, Bella was having trouble holding herself together. Edward, being the loving husband, put an arm around her waist and bent down to kiss her lightly.

"FUCK OFF, EDWARD!" Bella shrieked, unexpectedly. "WE'RE AT A FUNERAL! THAT IS COMPLETELY THE WRONG LOCATION FOR YOUR … YOUR … _TOMFOOLERY_!"

Edward vacated the premises. He sat in his car, upset, waiting for the burial to finish, and for Bella to join him so that he could drive them back to their honeymoon destination. Edward found that he was close to tears. He couldn't bear the thought that he had hurt his Bella … he wanted nothing more than to comfort her. She was, after all, going through a very difficult time. Becoming a vampire, and losing her best friend … Edward could almost feel her pain. And it cut him. It cut him to the soul.

He'd been there nearly an hour, when at last, the passenger door was thrust open and Bella jumped into the car huffily.

"Bella," Edward said gently, taking her hand. "I just want to let you know how truly sorry I am that I may have offended you. I do not wish for you to be upset at all, and if there is anything I can do to repay you, please just tell me, and I will do it right now."

Bella looked up at Edward, her eyes almost teary, then burst into dry sobs. She buried her face in Edward's shoulder and wailed.

"EDWARD! I am so sorry! I have been so horrible to you for so long … and you're the one apologising to me, when it should be the other way around!"

"Hush, child," Edward whispered soothingly, patting her head.

Bella took both of Edward's hands in hers.

"Actually, Edward," she murmured seductively. "You said you'd do anything for me, to repay me?"

"Anything," Edward promised.

"Well," Bella whispered, moving her head closer to Edward's so that she was whispering in his ear. "There _is_ something you could do for me …"

THAT IS THE END OF THIS CHAPTER

**A/N: By the way, readers … this Fan Fiction is rated M for a reason. You'll probably find out that reason in the next chapter.**

**Stay tuned.**


	15. When Will The Flames At Last Consume Us?

Chapter 15:

Previously on Belting Edward:

"_Actually, Edward," she murmured seductively. "You said you'd do anything for me, to repay me?"_

"_Anything," Edward promised._

"_Well," Bella whispered, moving her head closer to Edward's so that she was whispering in his ear. "There is something you could do for me …"_

**Chapter Fourteen**

"You want to _what_?" Edward shrieked.

I stuck out my chin and yelled.

"You will curse the day you did not do, ALL that the PHANTOM asked of … YOU!"

_DUN! Dun dun dun dun dun … DUN! Dun dun dun dun dun …_

I was still slightly mad at Edward for his oh-so shameful rendition of a song which was oh-so shameful to begin with at Jacob's funeral, but one had to admit that the vampire boy was true to his word …

I reached out my hand for Edward's and looked out over the audience. We had an exceptional view of the stage from our seats. Edward squeezed my hand and turned to smile at me through his mask.

I had insisted that he take me to see _The Phantom of the Opera_, in box five … and also that we dress up as Christine and The Phantom.

We had gone all out, and both looked fantastic, though I was finding it very difficult to imagine that the half of Edward's face under the mask was hideously disfigured. He didn't even look like Edward, he just looked like a way hotter version of Gerard Butler.

I made him have the slicked-back black hair and everything.

I was wearing extra long hair extensions and a corset that would have asphyxiated me if I had still been alive. I felt truly the essence of Christine, except for the fact that I was still a terrible singer. Being a vampire just can't change things like that, I had come to realise, after a terrible rendition of '_Oh Mandy_' in a karaoke bar.

On stage Christine and Raoul were singing '_All_ _I Ask of You_', which was one of my least favourite songs … but apparently Edward's favourite.

He was quietly singing along, even with Christine's incredibly high notes (Edward was a true soprano … and tenor and baritone), and he had the most pathetic wobbling bottom lip-puppy dog face I had ever seen. There were almost tears leaking out of his eyes.

I let out a sigh and glanced around the box. The walls were adorned with thick dark red velvet curtains and the carpet was thick and soft. It felt like moss, but less wet and feral.

… _I gave you my music_

_Made your song take wing  
And now, how you've repaid me_

_Denied me, and betrayed me …  
_

My heart leapt. The poor, poor Phantom!

The Phantom in this production had a very nice voice - I felt as though his words were there with me in box five. I could feel them slowly, deftly, caressing me, secretly possessing me.

Then I realized that my mouth was hanging open, and that Edward was singing to me. He let out a low musical laugh and we both turned back to watch the play.

_"You will curse the day you did not do, ALL that the PHANTOM asked of YOU!"  
_

Mike Newton hated musicals.

He fanned himself with the program, wishing he was somewhere _not_ here again, knowing he must stick out this boring evening because Jessica had practically begged him to take her, and if someone was begging … well, girls were a bit thin on the ground in Forks and Mike needed something to ease the pain of his unrequited love, Bella.

On top of all this, he and Jessica were sitting at the very back of the theatre, unable to afford better tickets.

Mike felt for his binoculars. He may as well have a closer look at Christine, he figured, she had a very attractive voice after all.

He sharpened the focus of the binoculars but was disappointed to see that she was well beyond her thirties.

As the interest in the song began to wane for Mike, he directed the binoculars into the orchestra pit to watch to conductor flailing about like a fool, then panned up along the wall to admire the vast renaissance style paintings. He continued to direct the binoculars, past the expensive opera boxes, back to the stage.

_WHAT?_

Mike quickly panned away from the stage and back to the opera boxes. He'd seen something happening in box five …

Grinning, Mike settled back into his seat, adjusted the focus on the binoculars, and began to watch a far more appealing show.

**A/N: Those M-rated chapters I was talking about will be arriving in the near future. Probably not in the next chapter.**


	16. I Request That Box Five Be Kept Empty

Chapter the Fifteenth

_**Magical Cat's POV**_**:**

Being a cat sucked. It sucked worse than mosquitoes.

First of all, there was the fur ball issue. Never before had I been forced to clean myself with my tongue, no matter how tempted I might have been back when I was a human.

Second of all, there was the not being human anymore. Sure, being a cat (and a magical one at that) may have had its advantages, but no one takes cats seriously. When I was human, I was respected. Well, by some. The point is, I wasn't laughed at!

AND when I was human I could talk to whomever I wanted! Plus I could walk on two feet. Stuff like that.

I guess the whole point I'm trying to get to here, is that I wish there was someone I could talk to about my predicament. No one knows, you see.

Edward and Bella are the only ones who know that I exist, and even they don't know who I truly am. They just think I'm some magical cat, come to haunt them. And Edward thinks I'm his friend – pfft, as if. What a fool. Idiot bloodsucker.

Though he is pretty hot.

And Bella … I miss her. She thinks I'm dead. They all do.

You see, when my black van collided with Edward and Bella's car, I died instantly. My body was black and charred.

But my soul …

Being a werewolf, I was often able to change forms. Usually it's just man and wolf, but for me – well, I had special skills. Sort of like Edward can read minds, and Alice can see the future? Well, I could morph into several different things, aside from just the wolf.

I'd never tried cats before.

However, in the instant my soul fled from my original body … that of Jacob Black … I knew that the only way for me to survive was to inhabit another body. The first being I came across was a cat – the very cat I had swerved to avoid, causing my death.

So here I am – Jacob Black in the form of a wise, magical cat. Of course I'm not actually wise, I just like to pretend. Everything that I tell the bloodsucker is just bullshit, but he totally falls for it.

I can't believe Bella likes him.

They're currently at the theatre, watching a musical or something. This whole time, I've just been contemplating whether or not I should tell them that I'm Jacob. The positives: my secret will be out and I'll feel better. The negatives: they will never believe me, and if they do they will shun me.

Ah, what the hell. In this case, I think the positives outweigh the negatives. To the opera I go!

_**Edward's POV:**_

"Bella … my … love …"

"Yes … Edward …?"

"Someone … in the … audience … is watching us …"

"Who …?"

"I don't know … I can hear … what they're thinking … I think … it might be … Mike Newton …"

"Oh … never mind then … pass me that apple …"

_**Mike's POV:**_

I felt my jaw drop. The couple were now using an apple in an erotic manner.

This show was getting more and more entertaining by the second.

The girl tilted her head to the side whilst the man caressed her with the apple, and the girl closed her eyes in pleasure. I used the zoom function on my binoculars to magnify her face.

She tossed her long brown hair to the side, and a flash of recognition shot through me.

It couldn't be …

"Mike, give me the binoculars, I want a turn!" whined Jessica from my left.

I _really_ didn't want to give her the binoculars. Not right now. No, sir. I tried to cross my legs inconspicuously.

"Mike, you're not even watching the show! If you're going to use them, use them for something worthwhile!" she shriek-whispered.

"I am using them for something worthwhile …" I muttered.

Jessica let out a huff and peered in the direction I was looking.

"What's going on in box five that's so intriguing?" she demanded.

I did not reply. I couldn't look away. I was getting to the climax of the show.

"Give me those!" Jessica screeched in the quietest voice she could muster, and suddenly I felt a pair of fingernails scratching at my hand.

"Ouchies!" I squeaked, immediately dropping the binoculars, cradling my scratched palm.

Jessica snatched the binoculars and put them straight to her eyes, and I could see her adjusting the focus and directing the binoculars at box five.

"Oh my …" she murmured.

"Exactly," I grumbled. I was officially pissed off. She was getting to see the best part, while I was missing out.

"Wait – is that Edward Cullen and Bella Swan?" she exclaimed incredulously.

"I think so," I replied. "Only, it's Bella Cullen now."

I watched as Jessica licked her lips and kept watching box five. Watching Jessica watch Edward and Bella have sex really turned me on. I leant down close to Jessica and whispered in her ear.

"You know … we could try that, if you want to. Right here, right now."

Jessica whacked me over the head with the binoculars so hard that I saw little stars dancing in front of me. She then returned the binoculars straight to her face.

"Are you a complete idiot?" she hissed at me. "We're at the back of the second balcony. There's someone sitting two centimetres to my left, and someone two centimetres to your right. Plus there are people less than a foot in front of us. We don't have a fricking opera box, because you couldn't afford it! So NO, we cannot try that! I swear, if it weren't for the fact that I am right now staring at Edward Cullen's extremely hot naked body performing an unspeakable act with an equally hot Bella Cullen in an opera box, this would be the WORST date I have EVER been on."

I felt it, then. The rejection. I had been denied, not for the first time, not for the last time.

I could feel my heart tearing itself to shreds, and caustic soda being poured all over it. It wasn't as though I really liked Jessica … I just felt that there was no hope for me ever.

My life sucked. And no one cared.

The soprano Christina chick, whoever it was, reached the climax of her song, and a piercingly high note soared throughout the theatre. I knew that she wasn't the only one reaching a climax in that second.

_**Magical Cat's POV (Jacob's POV):**_

I snuck into the theatre. Wasn't difficult, being a cat.

I raised my nose into the air and sniffed. I could smell the scent of bloodsuckers coming from the opera boxes on the left-hand side of the stage.

I deftly pounced my way up the stairs, towards box five. I instinctively knew that the second I saw the two of them, I would have to tell them what I came here to say – there could be no hesitation. Otherwise, I would lose all my bravado.

The entrance mere metres away, I took a great leap into the box and announced boldly:

"I AM NOT A MAGICAL CAT! I AM JACOB BLACK!"

I looked up to where Edward and Bella should have been.

Then I looked down to where they actually were.

Then I looked away.


	17. 17

* * *

**October**

* * *


	18. 18

* * *

**November**

* * *


	19. 19

* * *

**December**

* * *


	20. 20

* * *

**January**

* * *


	21. The End of Belting Edward

**The End of Belting Edward**

Jacob the Cat finally pulled his eyes away from Bella and Edward in disgust.

"I can't believe you guys actually ... ACTUALLY!" the cat/wolf shrieked.

Edward scowled and twirled around in a circle really fast. When he had finished spinning, his clothes were suddenly back on.

"How did you ... " Jacob began, but was cut off abruptly when Edward put a finger to his lips.

"You're on your last life, cat," Edward whispered, his face so close to Jacob's that the cat could feel the vampire's breath on his furry cheeks. "If I were you, I'd be running just about now."

Jacob gulped, and turned away, ready to leave the theatre and leave Bella forever.

"WAIT!" shrieked Bella suddenly.

Hesistantly, Jacob turned back to face her.

"Jacob ... you can't leave me! What else will I drink? You're the only animal that will satiate my thirst, remember?" The girl looked desperate.

Jacob hung his head in shame and shuffled his paws. "I'm sorry, Bella, I lied. You know I love you. That's why I lied to you. In truth, you don't need blood at all. You can live happily as a vampire forever, with a diet of full-cream milk."

Bella's face looked shocked at first, but then the shock turned to anger and she reached out to slap Jacob, soundly, across the face.

Unfortunately, Bella's extreme vampire strength meant that the cat's head was snapped off.

Jacob Black was dead.

"Hmm," mused Edward, turning to Bella with a slight smile. "I guess that's the end of that. Did you enjoy the musical?"

Bella turned back to the stage; she had forgotten about _Phantom of the Opera_. "I guess I did," she said. "I know that I certainly enjoyed being here with you."

"As did I, my love, as did I ... but were you aware that Mike and Jessica were watching us the whole time, with binoculars?"

"Yes, yes I was."

"Were you aware that the binoculars doubled as a video camera?"

"Yes, yes I was."

"Were you aware that as soon as Jessica gets home, there is going to be a very interesting new video on YouTube?"

"Yes, yes I was."

"Were you aware that this makes us porn stars?"

"No, no I was not."

"Well, you are now. Does that make you happy, my Bella?"

Bella pondered for a moment. "Well, not really," she finally replied. "Because it means I won't be able to show my face around here ever again. You see, I know that Charlie likes to watch a lot of pornographic material on YouTube in his free time, so it's likely that he will see these events."

"Ah."

"I say we continue where we left off, but this time let's go somewhere else, like in the bathroom of an aeroplane on its way to Prague, where we can then spend the next twenty years."

"Agreed."

Edward and Bella left that very evening, and arrived in Prague sometime during the next day. They purchased a lovely three bedroom home in outer Prague and learned to speak the language of the Czech Republicans. Edward found work as a doctor and a cello teacher. They travelled to various countries such as Germany, Switzerland, Greece, France and Portugal over the course of the next few years, and Bella eventually went to university where she studied philosophy and dairy products. They were happy and content, but knew that eventually the time would come for them to move once more and start a new life.

However, this time did not come, for Edward unfortunately contracted a fatal disease called humanity.

"Edward, how did this happen?" sobbed Bella, curled over the barely conscious body of her husband.

"I ... don't really know ... there were gypsies ... and they said they could make me, make us ... human again ... so I agreed ... I just wanted us to be together as people and grow old together ..." Edward was pale for a human, and coughing between every few words.

"No," whispered Bella, tears streaming down her vampiric face. "You cannot go without me! Why? Why is this happening to you, if you are a human?"

"It's the Spanish influenza," Edward whispered, as Bella swept his hair away from his sweaty forehead. "I have gone back to suffering the same fate I did as a human ..."

Edward coughed once more, and this time could barely stop.

Bella leaned over him, sobbing, to kiss him one last time ...

"I love you, my Bella, and I always will ..." Edward Cullen whispered, before he took a shuddering last breath and ceased to be.

His eyes seemed to glass over in slow motion, still gazing at Bella, who was overcome with grief and let out a scream of agony into the night. She clutched her husband's body to her and screamed, kept screaming, forever more.

**The End**

A/N: This is the end of **Belting Edward**, sorry about the long wait, but I really really liked this ending, what did you guys think? I hope that you enjoyed it too. I think this is the funniest chapter of the whole story.

I want to say thank you to all the motherfuckers who helped me write this story. You are all great.

Please leave a review, and don't forget to check out my band's MySpace, which is at** /theamusementwar**.

- Erick


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